The Texas Hammer Lawyer – We get it. By compiling a list of the weirdest and funniest local ads, we’re doing exactly what advertisers want to do, sharing their digital pieces of celluloid so that more people can see them. Today, when there are videos of cat juggling, skate crashes, and sleazy gossip…
Brian Wilson, as the Texas Law Hawk, torches the ice sculpture for justice or something else. screenshot by Danny Gallagher
The Texas Hammer Lawyer
We get it. By compiling a list of the weirdest and funniest local ads, we’re doing exactly what advertisers want to do, sharing their digital pieces of celluloid so that more people can see them. Today, when videos of cat tricks, skateboard crashes, and the unbelievable stories of “My Pillow” Guy dominate our feeds, local commercial filmmakers are going viral.
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We don’t care. We still want to highlight the gems that still make us laugh, whether on purpose or not.
There is only one place to start when it comes to local advertising. Advertisements for the personal injury law firm Jim Adler & Associates are stuck in the heads of every Dallas resident with a television or Internet connection. Adler appears in each ad carrying his signature hammer in a holster, because of course it’s The Texas Hammer. Duh. And to his credit, the ads work because they always go viral and even got an entire “And Now…” segment on John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight.”
Adler speaks with the confidence of a high school quarterback who was sacked just before taking the field. his personal iambic pentameter requires him to emphasize the word “hammer” regardless of context. Almost all of his commercials are about him, and sometimes his son and lawyer Bill Adler are yelling at semi-trucks too afraid of him going over or even being present. We don’t know what the semi trucks did to him when he was a kid, and frankly, we don’t want to know.
Adler has a competitive streak and is so thirsty for justice that he has to get it out of his system or explode like a speeding bus. Criminal defense attorney Brian Wilson of Fort Worth calls himself “The Texas Law Hawk,” and his ads play like a PG version of the movie Alex had to watch to purge his murderous tendencies in “A Clockwork Orange.”
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Wilson is a member of DFW and even gained international fame thanks to a BBC News story calling him “America’s Greatest Lawyer” while appearing in a Taco Bell commercial that aired during the Super Bowl. His ads aren’t just promises to get his customers… in fact, it’s not clear what or how he’ll do it. Unless, of course, part of the American court system involves calling every opening and closing statement like a professional wrestler and an ice sculpture of a flaming falcon. Wilson calls himself a “hawk”, but by setting fire to one, is he saying that he will fight another legal hawk, or is he expressing his suppressed self-loathing towards his judgmental spirit leader? Either way, it’s one of the funniest calls we’ve ever seen.
In the late 1980s there was one of the strangest partnerships in Dallas since the Texas Rangers teamed up with Death to sell literal stacks of nachos to fans. Car salesman and sunglasses wearer Joe Grid somehow signed up WWF superstar The Ultimate Warrior to star in a series of quirky commercials for his Westway Ford dealership.
The ads show the pair experimenting with hypnosis, breaking out of jail and asking customers to buy cars that have been stained by a sudden snail attack. This will make complete sense if you watch it all the way through (sort of). We will not be responsible if your shoulder falls on them during the big reveal.
Watching a local commercial that tries to capture the magic of a hit movie is like watching your dad dance to his favorite song when you were a kid. You can’t tell if you want it to stop or if you look closer to keeping the memory forever.
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A local insurance agency has attempted to recreate The Three Amigos, the Western comedy starring Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short, with its dazzling sombrero-wearing trio called (wait for it) The Young Amigos. Instead of using their demonstrations to save a small village from Mexican bandits, these amigos use their knowledge of cash threshold trends and the maximum gross premium assessment rate (which is 0.2 percent, by the way) to raise premiums die high. like dogs Yes, the landing does not stick well, but the experience is fun.
Every major advertising market in the country, place of worship, notary, gun shop, or actuarial firm has at least one that tried to cash in on the rise of hip-hop in the 80s by “raping” it for what it is. . can do for his customers.
Dallas had one of its own, with the Nissan Trophy rapping about its car sales in a way so alarming it might make Jake Paul question the musical motivations behind the now famous crowd. It doesn’t need to be described, as anyone who has been to karaoke night during the week has already seen a few of them. Someone gets drunk in a suit and grabs the microphone because the 12 whiskeys inside tell him he can take Eminem’s “Rap God” if he just aims hard enough and turns his vision from double to single. It’s basically it, but the beat is waaaaaay slower and the lyrics are all about cars and low prices.
Animals using machines is a trend almost as old as television, and it never gets old. It’s still so much fun to see that brave water skiing squirrel, whether it’s full of local news broadcasts or hallucinating from lack of sleep.
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Dallas Dodge used the honorable tactic this time in one of its latest ads. They found a bulldog that can skate. That’s pretty much the whole thread, and to be believed, they see no need to add more. They didn’t dress up in Hawaiian tourist gear and pretend to be surfing or stick him in front of a green screen and make him look like he’s competing with Tony Hawk at the X Games. It’s just a skateboarding bulldog followed by a typical car sales pitch. If the Texas Hammer found this little boy or girl, he would go overboard and force him to fight a semi-truck, which would completely miss the point.
This one was hard to find, and when you see it, you will understand why. Debbie Georgatos ran for a GOP seat in Dallas back in 2011, and the ad she chose runs from funny to scary, like a lost driver trying to get away at the last minute.
He starts speaking without looking at the camera, even though there are two cameras in the room, with one camera filming him from every wrong angle except the ceiling view. The first half (which you can see at Archive.org) features footage of a baby elephant being chained and some of Charlie Chaplin’s most horrifying footage of modern times to show … those evil Democrats. We don’t know. It looks like a last minute student film for a graduate student with poor planning skills. Apparently, we are not alone in our impressions, because Georgatos lost the election after the video caught the attention of the national media, including CNN’s Anderson Cooper, who mocked him and even world media like The broadcasting company’s George Stroumboulopoulos is Canadian. . .
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The 1212 Loop 12 man is revered in Dallas media culture for more than his catchy address. It looks like a simple, locally made ad for a furniture store, but it has as many wonderful layers as a peel back and a painted onion.
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At first, the speaker seems to be trying to make his vocabulary “gotta gotta gotta” when only the address is being overshadowed. His hand movements are strange and almost hypnotic; they only move with their elbows and look like they were instructed to do a robot dance instead of using public speaking skills by making a weird mess at night school. Then he falls over and lets the mattresses he’s riding on break his fall. He says nothing about “price drops” or how markets are “falling out of the sky”. He falls while reciting his script. Did he do it on purpose? Was it a coincidence that the editors left it right in the last paragraph? Why are our heads hurting right now?
Quirky is the basic description of the ad for this arts and crafts supply store with “three convenient locations.” Confusion doesn’t begin to describe it.
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